Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Enough

From No Impact Man:

Life experience has shown me that there is no such thing as the fulfillment of desire. Desire, by its nature, never seems to be fulfilled. It is a tyrant that cracks its whip and demands the next thing. The path to freedom does not seem to be getting what I desire…true freedom seems to come when I can be happy whether I have what I want or not.

Before the Jack Handey Deep Thoughts I’ve had of late, I reckon I’ve spent a good 50% of my time as a SAHM pacing back and forth in front of the bars of my cage. I concluded this was due to being underfunded and unable to execute my “vision” for my house, my garden and my kids. If I had enough money to get the house set up “right”, the yard set up “right” and the kids outfitted with the “right” toys, clothes and experiences, this mother/homemaker-manager thing would be a fulfilling experience.

I was on my 3rd house before the realization of the true paucity of my family’s means and the deep acknowledgement that any semblance of affluence not acquired honestly would be inherently dissatisfying, for me to begin to disassemble this architecture of desire. In the end, I had to reject the efficacy of the notion that inner peace can be achieved by the rigorous manipulation of the external environment. This seems like a paradox on its face but in a consumer society this is exactly what we are instructed to do and conditioned to expect.

By reconciling the dueling factions of my internal environment, by letting go of the external striving and focusing on personal accounting: attacking mental clutter and value imbalance and releasing all manner of sacred cows, I found some peace and I am now beginning to express a genuine and satisfying vision for my family.

Acceptance does not equal acquiescence but it allows for the liberating acknowledgment of having enough.

2 comments:

  1. This is probably the hardest thing for me. I've read about it over and over again. But, in the end, I still get caught up in my wanting to attain my mental image of perfection in my home and possesions... even myself. Its something that will more than likely be a lifelong battle. That won't stop me from fighting it though.

    Ps. you helped inspire me to create my own spot on the web (not as good as you but i hope you might check it out sometime)

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  2. "Its something that will more than likely be a lifelong battle."
    Many a buddhist would agree with you! Finding the same level of happiness in want as in plenty, finding happiness in the experience itself not burdened by your expectation of it. We'd all do well to pay more attention to spiritual matters like this. No Impact Man has great content of this nature.
    I am SO pleased you've made the leap! I will certainly check it out. Don't worry about how good it is as long as it's honest : )That's what I tell myself!

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